Musical World Records

    I have always wanted to set a world record and find something that I do better than anybody else in the world. Apparently I am not alone because the Guinness Book of World Records has long chronicled the numerous attempts at immortality, however brief. Because music is likely my best chance to enter the record books, I began to search for a record to supplant.
    Here are some of the more interesting musical records in the Guinness online edition and the 2007 print edition, along with my thoughts on each one:
    The largest playable accordion was completed in 2001 in Ancora, Italy (99.6×77.8×33.4 inches – a 5:1 ratio). Why anyone would want to play a regular accordion, much less a super-sized one is beyond me. It’s like making a larger atomic bomb.
    The  largest autographed drumstick collection is owned by Peter Lavinger, who had over 1,300 autographed drumsticks by 1999. I have a similar number on the floor of a practice room at school. These are not autographed by anyone famous.
    The fastest rapper is MC Rebel XD (aka Scandale Price), who rapped 852 syllables in 42 seconds in 2007. I have a student who broke this record unofficially after getting his hand stuck in a band equipment truck door.
    Katie Melua and her band performed  the deepest concert ever when they played 994 feet below sea level at the Troll Offshore Gas Platform off Norway in the North Sea. The audience consisted of 20 oil rig workers, and I believe Melua played selections from Grease.
    The record for the youngest composer of a musical goes to Adam Lorincz of Hungary who was 14 years, 76 days old when he wrote the 92-minute musical Star of the King. There was no word on whether the musical was any good.
    According to the Guinness book, the American Music Conference announced in September 1997 that the horn and oboe were the most difficult instruments to play. I suggest that the hardest instrument to play is the one held by the player sitting next to a struggling, untalented horn or oboe player.
    The fastest bassoon player on record is Carmello Crucitti (Italy) who played “The Flight of the Bumble-Bee” in 33.8 seconds in 2003. I have no chance at this record ­– it takes me 33.8 seconds to play “Hot Cross Buns” on bassoon.
    The longest sustained note on a tenorhorn was 49.2 seconds in 2005 in Germany. The record holder wore a nose plug to prevent circular breathing. I once had a trombonist break the record when I ran to my band office for a minute while my beginning band was playing. I forgot that the last note of the exercise had a fermata. His friends say the student passed out after 58 seconds.
    The record for longest performance on violin is 32 hours, set in 2003. I may be mistaken, but I think I attended that recital. It may not have been 32 hours, but it seemed like it.
    Wagner still holds the record for longest performance of a musical work with his Die Meistersinger von Nurnburg topping out at 5 hours and 15 minutes. I think the record-holding violin player mentioned above may have played this work six times to set his record.
    The largest musical ensemble ever assembled included 674 bugles, 134 tubas, 289 trombones, 556 flutes, 900 saxophones, and 4,000 violins. If I’m not mistaken that is also the instrumentation for the Allen High School marching band in Texas.
    The record for the performance at the highest altitude goes to a pianist and flutist who performed at 16,568 ft. above sea level in Mt. Everest’s Khumba Valley, Nepal. This record might be my best chance.
    Not to be outdone, many of my current and former students have also set unofficial records worthy of inclusion by the Guinness people in the next edition of their book.
    Longest use of one reed by a family: three generations. Clive Bartee III, clarinet player, used a clarinet and reed played on by his father, Clive, Jr., who obtained the clarinet and reed from his father.
    The shortest time before fainting at  attention after joining a marching band: Scott Pace, Class of 1994, 5 seconds.
    Most calls to the band room from a parent in a given year: Alberta Johnson, 51 times.
    Most tardies to performances in a four-year span: Jimbo D. Lay, 48 times.
    Most grandmothers to die on the day of a band performance over a two-year period: Mort Muerte with five such tragedies.
    Malicia Steptoe was out-of-step for five consecutive halftime shows.
    The record for most guitarists blasting away in a small practice room at one time: nine (including amplifiers).
    There are probably some records that the Guinness folks have never even considered. Here are some possibilities to increase your band’s chances for a world record: world’s tallest band tower, longest speech by a director in rehearsal, most time over the halftime limit, most fundraising money collected in one day, and the world’s largest backdrop.
    After reflecting on all of the possible records to break, I’ve made my decision. Does anybody have a cheap airplane ticket to Nepal, a pair of hiking boots, and an oxygen tank I can borrow?