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The Unwritten Rules

Trey Reely | May 2009


    All bands have rules, and some bands have gobs of rules. No matter how many rules a director makes, there are still the unwritten rules of band.

When you make a mistake, glare at your neighbor.

Each brass player should drop a mute during a rehearsal at least once a week.

Drummers should drop at least one snare drum stick per rehearsal, preferably letting it hit the drum on the way down.
At least one item should be left on the marching practice field after each rehearsal.

Never have a mute available when  the music actually calls for one.

Never sit at the front of the bus on trips.
Walk in step with your friends in the hall whether they are in band or not.

When not performing, store your uniform in the back seat floorboard of your car.

Never be the first one to arrive before a practice or performance.

In marching band trumpet players should play the last high note longer than the rest of the band.

Never put your name on your instrument case.
Make a major musical mistake the day before a concert and tell the director you’ve always played it that way.

In marching band trumpet players should play melodic lines an octave higher when possible and even when it’s really not.

Stay in the bandroom for as long as possible after school to prevent the director from going home.

Drummers should play by memory as much as possible; music is optional.

Always knock before entering a practice room. (Someone may actually be practicing.)

Abandon your school locker and keep everything in your instrument storage cubby hole.

Only clean your instrument once every three to five years.

Keep the director updated on every fashion trend he violates.

Don’t pay attention to announcements.

When you think the director is mad at you for something you have done, go to see him and take at least one friend for moral support.

Wind players should strike a percussion instrument whenever possible.

Sustain injuries at the worst possible times.

Ask for a new reed on the day of contest.

When you have a substitute, play someone else’s instrument or play your own in the most offensive way possible.

Never let a band director know you think he is funny. It only encourages more stupid jokes.